Archive article from March of 2019 The Cost of Compromise I feel the need for speed. He prefers to walk at a more moderate pace. Yet, somehow, we still manage to enjoy BEING, together. “How can this possibly work?”, you may ask? Someone must surely, “compromise” in order for there to be any semblance of togetherness on the trail of life? Surely someone needs to slow down or the other should speed up to make things work – otherwise, with such different rhythms, there would be virtually no interaction, except to possibly only share the car ride to and from the destination of the moment. Given this scenario, here is what typically happens: Door #1 - One person continually holds back to match the pace of the other when it is her/his nature to allow energy and flow, which compromises joy, expressing her/his core self, physical health, and overall well-being. Door #2 - One person pushes her/himself to keep pace and catch up with the other, moving at a speed and rate that s/he is not yet ready for that is actually detrimental, which also compromises joy, expressing her/his core self, physical health, and overall well-being. Door #3 - Both parties do this continually and NEITHER ever gets to operate in her/his optimal flow, with BOTH parties perpetually compromising – you guessed it - joy, expressing her/his core self, physical health, and overall well-being. Given THESE options, most freedom-loving beings who want to be happy & live long and prosper would op out – and it’s no wonder why so many people who have chosen to take one of these three doors (which ALL lead to compromise), find themselves in a place of power struggle, conditional happiness, or ultimately ending a relationship. The GAIN From Intending to Complement/Harmonize Isn’t compromise simply the “cost of doing business” when it comes to maintaining and continuing a relationship over the years? Isn’t this necessary in order for there to be any possibility for true peace in families, teams, or even the world? Like many, I once also only believed that if I wanted to be in a steady, loving relationship – or create lasting peace with others - I would have to play the game of choosing Door #1, 2 or 3. But, as a being who does deeply value freedom of expression AND who also revels in seeing others thrive and get to realize their fullest potential, I, at first, decided that I would rather fly solo than choose a door that led to the ultimate diminishment of myself or my potential beloved. But then I wondered… …What if there was a choice beyond those three doors? What if there was a chance that there could be another human being on this planet who also dreamed of a true soul connection, yet who also wanted to have the space to thrive; to live fully and authentically, and who could joyfully allow ME to do that same?
Even though life experience had NOT yet shown me that this could be possible, I had decided that if I were ever to choose to be in a long-term relationship, it would be with a soul who also believed in Door #4:
Both parties honor her/his natural calling and flow – paired with clear with intentions to COMPLEMENT each other’s lives & enjoy the journey TOGETHER – allowing BOTH to seek joy, express their core selves, and feed physical health, & well-being.
Instead of both parties experiencing a subtraction of overall quality of life via compromise, they actually add fun, vitality, trust, and respect by striving to complement each other!
“Impossible!”, you say? “Wouldn’t extending THAT much trust, freedom, and faith spell the end of true commitment?”, you say? In my own experience, I can tell you that sharing my life with a soul who continues to embrace this “radical” way of being with me, has only inspired me to a level of fierce loyalty and an experience of love that grows deeper with each passing year.
I have known John Victor Hartmann for over 20 years now, and have been proud to get to call him my husband for over 17 years at the time of writing this article. He celebrates the fact that I like to walk at a fast pace, and I celebrate and encourage him to walk to beat of HIS drum.
We both love being out in nature, experiencing movement, and being together, so each time we walk, we do indeed always start and end our journey TOGETHER – Here’s what we do:
Even when I walk or run on ahead, I still loop back to visit with him as I refuel, or… to simply steal a quick butt grab! Yet, there are also times when it DOES feel natural and good for him to join me at a faster pace (at times, he even challenges me to go faster!). And there are also times when I’m inclined to enjoy a more leisurely stroll and relaxed conversation with my sweetheart.
None of this is ever forced. No one need compromise what feels good or right to her/him. We each do our best to follow the natural cues of our bodies, minds, & spirits, and always know that if we choose something different from the other in the moment, all is still truly well.
Yes, there are times when that pesky old paradigm sneaks in; when we slip into “compromise” mode, it truly feels as if there has been a “disturbance in the force,” resulting in a palpable drop in our energy, vibe, and flow.
But the moment we remember that we are BOTH allowed and encouraged to follow and express what feels authentic and best, and ask how we can complement each other’s experience, we feel an immediate lift on EVERY level.
We are NOT perfect human beings. We still get stressed, tired, and “hangry.” We have different opinions and preferences about certain subjects at certain times. We have faced major life changes and challenges on every front. But because our core connection is based around our desire to enhance the life experience of the other - while still feeling free to BE who we are as individuals and heed the guidance coming from within - the peace, passion, love, friendship, and respect we feel for and with each other is beyond anything we both thought to be possible at one time… …And it has come WITHOUT compromise.
The Bottom Line: A New Relationship Paradigm
John & I are but one combination of people in a vast sea of humanity, and we know for sure there are others like us – whether romantic partners, friends, family members, or teams/organizations - who have witnessed the power of complement over compromise. And I, for one, feel that if more people allowed themselves (and each other) to enjoy this kind of connection – a beautiful merging of love AND freedom to BE, an evolution revolution of the highest order could transform humanity is astonishing ways, with far-reaching implications that could heal families, communities, organizations, and even nations. Imagine what relationships - and LIFE - could look like if more people chose to live and express from a place of true authenticity, and actively followed their inner compass to realizing and maintaining health and well-being? Imagine what could happen if more people were to step out into the world seeking to add to each others’ lives, harmonize, and build bridges based on common ground, rather than eek out fleeting happiness and temporary moments of peace through condemning and controlling the behavior of others, setting limitations, and participating in continual compromise?
What if YOU and someone you love could serve as living examples of a new paradigm in action for the benefit of many?
I once thought that this was but a wild fantasy in my own life, yet here I stand 20 years on, still deeply in love with my husband and am able to completely be ME: And after all these years… …I still feel the need for speed. He still prefers to walk at a more moderate pace. Yet, somehow, we still manage to enjoy BEING…